Party Goblin Gone Bad

Party Goblin Gone Bad

I’ve recently had somewhat of a mental breakdown. An alcoholic breakdown. I’ve stopped working out and doing yoga and going to the gym due to my long, strenuous work schedule. And the only other way that I have found in the meantime is to drink my stress away. It started out with just a beer or two after work which I think is pretty normal. But then it escalated in to drinking a beer or two before I go to work and feeling the need to be tipsy to even be there to deal with the stress.

I’ve been working 7 days a week and 10-14 hours a day. I’ve become so focused on work and getting everything done–putting other people’s needs before mine–and therefore eventually cracking from the inside.

I was invited to a wedding reception of a girl that I work with. My boyfriend, co-worker and I all decided to go together but we wanted to have a drink first. So my boyfriend and I went over to my co-workers house and we had a drink … which turned in to another drink … and then a shot as well. We then got an uber and went to the reception where we had more drinks.

Most of the reception is blurry in my mind. I don’t remember much because I quickly blacked out. But there is something in my brain, that when I know I am drunk and should stop drinking, that I continue to drink anyway. There’s no sensor that says, “Hey Taylor! It’s time to fucking stop!”. (Everyone has a party goblin inside of them — see the Iliza Shlesinger clip) According to my boyfriend, I was falling over and making a fool of myself. We were unable to find an uber to go home so he called his dad to come get us.

My boyfriend was really angry with me and rightfully so. I had to be at work the next day and face the people that I made myself look like an idiot in front of. I am a manager–I should have my shit together. But I don’t.

So I decided to make a change. I am not going to drink anymore. At all. Since I don’t have that little voice in my head to tell me to stop, I’m just going to stay away from it. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world to put up with me when I get too drunk and he always stays by my side. But he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves someone who can take care of themselves and someone that he shouldn’t have to worry about.

So here I go.

—A newly sober sloth.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I was debating about bringing this up in a blog for a while. I’m not sure if it really holds any strength in the world, but I felt like it was something that I had to share because it’s something that has seriously creeped me out.

I live in Lancaster, PA which is a rapidly growing city in southeast Pennsylvania about an hour from Philly. Lancaster is where I was born and raised and even after moving from Pittsburgh, to Tampa, I always ended up back here. It’s my home. In the last five years, Lancaster has grown in to quite the mini-Philadelphia, all the while being surrounded by farmland and Amish. It’s now an awesome melting pot of culture. All cities have their crime and violence, but ours has been pretty low–for the most part.

I am a banquet event manager in a recently completely remodeled restaurant that is thriving. I love my job. It’s right in the center of the city and is an amazing environment to work in. The loading dock to our restaurant faces a very small alley that a lot of time homeless folks are meandering around. I always enter the restaurant through the loading dock and often see people rooting through the trash or hanging out by the entrance to the park right beside us.

Recently two things have happened in this area that were pretty disturbing. One of our bartenders witnessed someone OD’ing on heroin in the alley way. Thankfully, he responded quickly and called an ambulance but if no one else had been there, someone could have possibly found a dead person behind the restaurant. Terrifying! I know heroin has blown up in the outskirts of Lancaster lately, but this really put it in to perspective. These people have no where else to go and turn to drugs as a release. An escape from their unfortunate reality. I’ve been there, I’ve done it, and it’s absolutely terrifying. I hope the man survived and I also hope it was a wake-up call for him.

As employees, we are lucky enough that our company pays for us all to be able to park in the lot right behind the alley, since parking is pretty hard to find downtown (and somewhat expensive) especially on a Friday night! BUT, the parking garage also turns in to a hideaway for those who have no where else to go.

It was Valentine’s Day this year that I encountered the second event that I feel a need to share. There are seven floors to this parking garage and on this day I had to park on the 5th. As I was walking toward the stairway to go down to the street level, I saw a man standing in the vestibule. He looked dirty and was facing out the glass towards the cars. One of his hands was down around the button of his pants and the other hand was holding a cell phone that he was staring intently at.

At first, I didn’t think much of it and assumed he was just reading a text message on his way down the stairs. But as I got closer, I realized there was a “rubbing” motion going on with the hand near the opening of his pants. He was masturbating in the stairway! I saw the tip! I quickly turned around and went the other way, grabbing the MASE out of my purse. I decided to completely avoid the stairs and and circled around the spiral of cars until I made it to the bottom.

What if he was just waiting for a woman, or even a man, to walk in that stairway vestibule?

I quickly went in to the restaurant and called the police. Unfortunately, by the time they made it there, he was gone.

It’s so scary to me that in this Trump era, that these kind of things are starting to happen in our little town, or anywhere for that matter. It brings back that impending feeling of doom that I was talking about in my previous blog.

If anyone sees anything like the last two events that I wrote about, call the police immediately or call the ambulance if you see someone in trouble. You could be saving a life.

—a very concerned sloth

Just do it.

Just do it.

Today I went to my first yoga class in probably about 4 months. I go to a yoga studio that does hot, power yoga. So its a little more fast paced and the room is heated to 90 degrees. I felt like I wanted to die. But at the end when we went in to shavasana and the instructor handed out chilled towels for everyone, I laid it over my eyes and I felt a sense of calm. I felt like I had destroyed my body, everything was already sore, but I was satisfied. I had used my body for something that not necessarily everyone else can. I twisted and turned in to positions that I would never normally go in to. I felt taller in the end though and stronger  … even though my hammies felt like I couldn’t go up my stairs later in the day!

It felt good to push myself to a limit. And I actually felt more energized for the rest of the day than I normally ever would have. I have a serious addiction to energy drinks. I probably have two sugar free Monster’s every day. But after simply taking one hour out of my day and going to a yoga class, all I wanted was water, and I was more driven and active for the rest of today than I am after I put any kind of caffeine that I put in my body and I only drank water (and two coffees, but still better than energy drinks) all day.

Yoga teaches to appreciate everything. Appreciate what your body can do for you, appreciate the movement, the Ujjayi breath and the ground that is always there to support you. Push yourself to do the more complicated poses because what’s the worst that can happen? You may fall or not be able to do the pose to it’s full extent, but if you keep trying, you will eventually get there and it will most likely happen when you are least expecting it and not being so hard on yourself. Just LET GO! I know this is easier said than done, and I struggle with it every day, but the more that you stop caring and start moving outside of your comfort zone, the more valuable your life will become to you.

This can be applied to everything in life. LET GO. Forget your reservations and just do it. But maybe just slowly at first–like a sloth.