I’ve recently had somewhat of a mental breakdown. An alcoholic breakdown. I’ve stopped working out and doing yoga and going to the gym due to my long, strenuous work schedule. And the only other way that I have found in the meantime is to drink my stress away. It started out with just a beer or two after work which I think is pretty normal. But then it escalated in to drinking a beer or two before I go to work and feeling the need to be tipsy to even be there to deal with the stress.
I’ve been working 7 days a week and 10-14 hours a day. I’ve become so focused on work and getting everything done–putting other people’s needs before mine–and therefore eventually cracking from the inside.
I was invited to a wedding reception of a girl that I work with. My boyfriend, co-worker and I all decided to go together but we wanted to have a drink first. So my boyfriend and I went over to my co-workers house and we had a drink … which turned in to another drink … and then a shot as well. We then got an uber and went to the reception where we had more drinks.
Most of the reception is blurry in my mind. I don’t remember much because I quickly blacked out. But there is something in my brain, that when I know I am drunk and should stop drinking, that I continue to drink anyway. There’s no sensor that says, “Hey Taylor! It’s time to fucking stop!”. (Everyone has a party goblin inside of them — see the Iliza Shlesinger clip) According to my boyfriend, I was falling over and making a fool of myself. We were unable to find an uber to go home so he called his dad to come get us.
My boyfriend was really angry with me and rightfully so. I had to be at work the next day and face the people that I made myself look like an idiot in front of. I am a manager–I should have my shit together. But I don’t.
So I decided to make a change. I am not going to drink anymore. At all. Since I don’t have that little voice in my head to tell me to stop, I’m just going to stay away from it. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world to put up with me when I get too drunk and he always stays by my side. But he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves someone who can take care of themselves and someone that he shouldn’t have to worry about.
So here I go.
—A newly sober sloth.